DuBois, Edith - Rugged Salvation [Rugged Savage Valley, Colorado 3] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) Page 17

  Instead, he smiled at her. “Marina Andrews.” His smile was warm, like she’d picture a grandfather smiling at her if she’d ever met one of hers. “It’s a pleasure to see you again,” he said.

  The way his eyes crinkled at the corners and the way he held his hands out to her in welcome nearly had tears forming in her eyes.

  She offered him the best smile she could muster. She felt the three Greenwoods behind her, crunching across the snow to gather inside Bo’s small brown house. After she’d come to, after the mating stupor that she’d experienced with James had lifted, tears began pouring out of her eyes. It wasn’t at all like her. Usually she screamed and wailed against whatever was upsetting her, but she didn’t have any of that left.

  When she realized that she was mated to James, it felt like her power had been turned off. Nothing snapped through her, no emotion, no spark.

  As soon as her tears started, James tried to pull her close. She hadn’t resisted, but she hadn’t reciprocated either. One thought blared through her mind. It rang through her like the long, unending wail of a siren. The curse was real. She was truly bound. If her car breaking down didn’t prove it, if getting tomato sauce dumped on her by strangers didn’t prove it, if almost getting eaten by a bear didn’t prove it, the fact that James had come to her rescue and then mated her pretty much sealed the deal. As she tried to escape, her tie to this place just ended up getting stronger. And she hadn’t tried to resist him. She’d welcomed him. She’d wanted to be possessed by him.

  But now?

  Everything was dead. Everything was gone.

  Her music, performing, traveling the world—that was gone. It was over. She would never be Marina Andrews again.

  Before leaving the Greenwoods that afternoon, there had been a small hope, a small tickling of her soul that said she could never truly be stuck anywhere. Nothing, no force—natural, magic, or otherwise—could ever keep her where she didn’t want to be. She would never be a prisoner of circumstance. She’d made that promise to herself the day she realized her parents didn’t love her. Her father had left his family behind. Her mother spent every night away. She’d abandoned them as much as her good-for-nothing husband had. But Marina never let that define her.

  She wouldn’t be held back by disappointment. She wouldn’t let who she was or where she came from define who she could be.

  Before leaving the Greenwoods that afternoon, there was a part of her, a part that she thought could never be broken. This part of herself held on to the belief that if she could just leave Savage Valley, she would find the old Marina Andrews again, broken and lost as she was. She thought by leaving, she would prove the Greenwoods wrong. She would show them who she was. By leaving, she would declare, “I am me. I am Marina. I must live the life I understand.”

  She thought she’d been running toward escape. But, in fact, she’d been shoveling a six-foot hole for it.

  And now here she was with nothing. Everything had been ripped away from her. She no longer knew who she was. She was alone. She had no name. She was nobody.

  James, Jeremiah, and Johnny—she was nothing but a broken doll to them now. She could never give them what they wanted. She would always be a disappointment. They couldn’t understand that at the moment, but that was only because she was shiny and new. That would wear off soon enough, though, and she would be forced to watch as their fascination faded into annoyance and finally into resentment, into hate.

  And thinking about that desolate future brought on despondence.

  So the Greenwoods brought her to Bo.

  “Would you like some tea, Marina?” Bo’s weathered voice asked from the tiny kitchen.

  They’d all stomped their feet at the entrance and then filed into the living room. The three brothers sat on the couch, packed in tight, their shoulders scrunched up into uncomfortable-looking positions. Marina sat in a rocking chair in the corner of the room next to the lifeless TV. She tried not to meet their eyes. When she did, she could see the anguish, plain and harsh, on their faces.

  With James and Johnny, it seemed more sympathetic. They knew she didn’t want to be mated to them. She saw that they understood her sadness. Despite the inevitability of the situation, they didn’t want to be the cause of her pain. She could see that now.

  But it was Jeremiah’s eyes that tore into her the sharpest. He was the only one not mated to her. She knew it killed him. He’d kissed her first. Out of all three brothers, she’d reacted to him first. She couldn’t help it. Her eyes met his, and he clenched his jaw. His scar seemed more livid and pink while the rest of his face was pale. His black eyes held hers. They bottled a wild rage and cradled a deep hurt. They held so many questions. Questions she could never answer. Desires she could never fulfill. She would never be his.

  Despite everything that had happened, this realization filled her with a great, heavy sadness.

  She turned her mind away from that. After all the past couple of days, she couldn’t think about Jeremiah, too, about everything that was and that would not be with him.

  “Marina?” Bo asked from the kitchen.

  “Oh, sorry. Sure. That sounds nice.”

  “What do you take? Lemon? Cream? Honey?”

  “Just lemon.”

  A few minutes later, Bo came to the living room with her tea. “So from what I understand, you are mated not only to Johnny now, but to James as well?”

  She stared at her tea.

  “And it is your wish not to be mated to either of them, nor any of the Greenwoods for that matter. Is this correct?”

  Marina sucked in a deep breath. The way he asked it made it seem like not being mated to them was a possibility. She knew it wasn’t. A fresh wave a misery washed through her as she nodded to his question.

  “Drink the tea,” Bo whispered. “It will make you feel better.”

  Without looking up, she obediently sipped.

  “James, tell me how this second ‘accidental’ mating occurred, please.”

  Marina continued to drink the tea as James launched into the evening’s events. She’d already explained what had happened to her before James came to her rescue, and he filled Bo in on these details as well. By the time he finished the retelling, the tea in her cup was almost gone, and strangely enough, she did feel a little better. At least she felt strong enough to look the Greenwoods in the eye again.

  “Now before we go on, I need to ask you a few questions,” Bo said, facing Marina.

  “Okay,” she answered although her voice sounded hoarse and strained. Straightening up in her seat, she set her now-empty cup aside.

  “First, I need you to tell me—with conviction and without a single doubt in your heart—that your mating with first Johnny and then James Greenwood was accidental. That before this occurred, you had no thoughts or designs that would lead to your mating with them.”

  She met Bo’s steady gaze. His question had been worded strangely. She cared deeply for the Greenwoods. She was brave enough to admit that. And hell, the sex had been soul shattering. On top of all that, they were good and beautiful men. They’d cared for her. They were sweet. They talked to her and listened to her. They’d wanted to know her from the moment they met her.

  She blinked.

  That didn’t mean she wanted to be mated with them, though. It just meant that she found them severely sexy and had a sort of weakness when it came to receiving lavish attention from good-looking men.

  That was exactly what that meant, nothing more. She had never once wanted to tie herself to this place. She’d said from the get-go that she was leaving, that she could never be persuaded to stay with them.

  “Yes,” she answered, pushing past the small doubts that still flittered and brushed against her mind. “I can say that I never intended to mate any of the Greenwoods.”

  She didn’t look at them, didn’t want to watch their faces as she said it. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Johnny’s grip tighten on the edge of the couch, but she wouldn’t carry her
gaze to his face. She didn’t know if she could stomach what she found there.

  “Okay, good. Second,” Bo continued, “you are aware that your sister is mated to the Ashleys and that she can no longer leave Savage Valley until a new generation of Ashley bears takes her husbands’ place in the bear clan?”

  “Yes,” Marina said, although she didn’t understand why her sister being mated to bears had anything to do with her situation. In fact, she figured Bo would like that idea, like bear clan solidarity or something.

  “You understand that this means she will be in Savage Valley until she dies possibly, in the event that she and her husbands produce no male progeny. And that even if they do, it will be close to twenty years before one of her children shifts for the first time.”

  Michelle eyed Bo. What exactly was he getting at? “Yes,” she answered hesitantly.

  “Now my next statement is for you three.” The men on the couch shifted and sat up a little straighter, probably taken unawares by Bo’s sudden attention, Marina thought. “Under normal circumstances, including accidental matings, the treaty usually bends in favor of the bear clan. But from what you’ve told me of that last few days’ events and what I know of Marina and her life outside of Savage Valley, I would say that these are extenuating circumstances.

  “You three aren’t going to like what I have to say to Marina, but what you need to keep in mind is that the mating is supposed to be her choice. You are supposed to be absolutely certain that there is no doubt in her mind. Usually the mating process itself eradicates any remaining doubts a woman may have, but her acceptance of you is key in the bear-mating process. Now, Marina’s actions—her running away, her continuing to run away even after several highly discouraging events, and her statements now—show me that there might be a chance for her.”

  “What the hell are you talking about, Bo?” James asked.

  “Just spit it out,” Johnny muttered. “Please,” he added at Bo’s dark look.

  Jeremiah didn’t say anything. His eyes were locked on Marina’s. She thought she knew what Bo was getting at. But she couldn’t let herself hope. She couldn’t. She couldn’t.

  “Also, since she has yet to mate with Jeremiah this also improves her chances.”

  “Chances for what, goddamn it?” James slammed his palm onto the worn plush armrest of the couch.

  “Marina,” Bo said softly.

  She jumped and ripped her gaze from Jeremiah. Everything trembled. She knew what she wanted Bo to say, and when he did say it, she almost couldn’t believe it.

  “I can sever the bond.”

  Her breath came out. She closed her eyes.

  For a brief moment, she saw the world outside of Savage Valley. She was in it. She was living. She wasn’t here.

  And then all hell broke loose.

  “No the goddamn hell you can’t!” James roared. Marina’s eyes flew open in time to see him explode off the couch. He was across the living room and snatching her up before she could blink again. “No one is going to sever any fucking bond! Marina is our mate, goddamn it!”

  “You wouldn’t leave? Right, Marina? You couldn’t do that to us?” Johnny asked.

  James had moved in front of her, like he would bodily protect her from whatever Bo could throw at them. He was still roaring at the shaman, and Johnny had gripped his arm. Marina felt as if she’d been thrown into a hurricane, but instead of terror, she felt a rising calm. She was used to the feeling of surrounding turmoil and rage. She’d been circled by it her whole life.

  But then she looked at Jeremiah. His head was in his hands. He suddenly looked so breakable. James and Johnny’s voices drowned out all sound, but she could see the way his shoulders shook.

  No. There was absolutely no way. Jeremiah didn’t cry. He wouldn’t cry over her.

  She wasn’t worth his tears. She couldn’t understand. What was he doing? She wanted to go to him, wanted to ask what was wrong.

  He rose from the couch, and without looking up at her, escaped from the room.

  His brothers fell quiet as they realized he’d left.

  “You can’t do this, Bo. Marina,” James said, sucking in a deep breath, “please don’t do this.”

  “Unfortunately, this is not a matter to be decided by you or by me.” Bo moved so that he could see Marina again, and she stepped out from behind James. Johnny glared at her, but she also saw a deep fear behind his anger. James held on to her arm. She put her hand over his and gently tugged at his fingers. His fingers tightened, though.

  Deciding to ignore his grasp, she looked at Bo. “How would this work?”

  Before Bo could open his mouth to answer, James spewed again. “Goddamn it, Marina. Give us a chance. Johnny has been mated to you less than seventy-two hours.”

  “You said that you would be here until the New Year,” Johnny said. “At least give us that much.”

  “If you two can’t keep your traps shut, I’m sending you outside with the wolves.” Bo shot them each a harsh glance then returned his gaze to Marina. “There is a way to sever the bond. It would take me close to two weeks to get the compound ready, and there are stipulations.”

  “Aren’t there always?” she asked with a nervous laugh. Her hands shook so hard she had to clasp them together just to think.

  He offered one brisk nod. “This severing compound will not only end the bond between you and the Greenwoods. It will cleave everything out of you. Everything, Marina. Do you understand what that means?”

  She frowned. “Not really.”

  “It means every link to this place, its creatures, its people, its life. The blood and the heart of Savage Valley. This will all be taken. We are a part of you, Marina, and though you may not wish it, you are a part of us now. You are bound to this land and to everything connected to the land, so if you wish to leave one, you must leave all. Your sister. Johnny. James. Jeremiah. You can never come back here. It could be years before you see any of them again.”

  It was what she wanted. It was what she’d wanted from the moment Michelle dragged her into Savage Valley in the first place. What made things any different now? If she needed to talk to Michelle or see her, there was always Skype or Google Chat or some new technology she could use.

  Everything she was used to was outside of Savage Valley. At least there she was safe from all the turmoil and uncertainty she’d come across here. There was absolutely no reason for her to hesitate. No reason for her to consider staying. Absolutely no reason at all.

  Her eyes drifted to Johnny’s face. His eyes were hungry, but she tried not to read too much into that. They were always hungry for her, weren’t they? But she thought that maybe he wanted more than her body, more than that wild animal reaction that happened between them.

  He wants everything.

  She forced her mind to jump away from that thought. She could never give him that, could never give any man such a thing. She didn’t believe in that kind of surrender, as she’d told James and as she’d told herself hundreds and hundreds of time. Those thoughts didn’t seem as impenetrable as before, though. They felt fragile, like they would crack at the slightest nudge. She blinked, forcing her gaze away from Johnny’s beautiful face and returning it to Bo’s. “Are there any other side effects I should know about?”

  “Not exactly. But I do have one stipulation before we agree on anything.”

  “And that is?”

  “It will take me almost two weeks to get this concoction together. This isn’t the kind of thing I keep on hand. In fact, I’m not sure it’s ever been used by any of my ancestors.”

  “Okay, well, that’s not exactly comforting, but we’ve come this far. What’s the stipulation?”

  “While I’m preparing it, you must spend that time with your mates and with Jeremiah. I want you to be absolutely sure before you decide to go ahead with this.”

  “But, Bo, that totally defeats—”

  Bo’s voice cut across hers, harsh and unyielding. “I will not budge on this.” Jam
es and Johnny had been like two quiet mice since Bo had admonished them, but they both nodded their approval at Bo’s newest decree.

  “Now, knowing all this,” Bo said, “do you wish me to go through with this? Do you wish for me to make the severing compound?”

  She looked at James and at Johnny. She thought of Jeremiah, hurting and alone in the cold. She remembered all the fights she and her sister had gotten into over the years. She thought of how comfortable she felt standing on the stage with her guitar. Years of anguish and pain and solitude, of hurting and of wanting, of searching, always searching, for what she needed to make her happy washed over her. She’d been adrift for so long she didn’t know where to turn or what she should cling to. But among all of this confusion, there was one thing that remained clear. One path she could always follow with confidence, if not with certainty.

  Finally, she looked at Bo.

  She knew what she had to do. Even if she was making the biggest mistake of her life, music would always be a part of her. Music was the only thing constant.

  Nothing that happened in this life would ever change that.

  “Make the compound.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  They’d settled into a tenuous rhythm.

  Every morning since that night at Bo’s, Jeremiah had awoken to the feel of Marina’s soft, warm body next to his. First, he’d feel her breath wash gently across his naked chest. He’d open his eyes and see a rosiness in her cheeks. He had to resist running a finger along her slightly parted lips. Sometimes her hand would even be curled in his.

  But all of that—her surrender, her trust, the way she relaxed so fully into his arms when she slept—was a lie.

  She didn’t want them. She’d said so dozens of times since demanding Bo make his fucking bullshit concoction.

  At first she’d insisted on sleeping on the couch, claiming that while she had agreed to spend her time with them, she had most certainly not agreed to anything else. They’d all four gone to bed grumpy. About halfway through the night, however, Jeremiah was roused from his slumber. Marina had snuck into his bed and snuggled up next to him. “I can’t sleep,” she whispered. “I can’t even shut my eyes. Can I stay with you? Just for now?”